The Light of Day

I couldn't sleep.  It was three in the morning and I had been tossing and turning for hours. I tried counting backwards from 400 in multiples of three, something I'd read about that was supposed to help you relax, but that was not working.  I tried focusing on my breath, another technique I had read about, but my mind was restless. It was not ready to unwind.   "Please God, help me fall asleep."   I prayed.  After a few minutes, I sat up and tried to focus, in the darkness of my room, before making my fourth trip to the bathroom.  On my way there I noticed that it was now four thirty in the morning.  I could feel another layer of anxiety taking hold of me.  It was useless going back to bed.  My body was just not willing to surrender itself to the pillow top mattress or the sheets or the pillow. I draped my robe over me, slipped on my slippers, and headed out to the kitchen.  The sound of my footsteps and my heartbeat were in harmony.  I longed for the light of day to disperse the worries that possessed my mind. Dad was in the hospital, having just been diagnosed with stage four colon cancer… my wonderful dad who had never been seriously sick in all of his life. Surgery was scheduled for the morning. I had just a few hours to get ready.   I filled the tea kettle with water and set it on the stove.      "Dear God, everything is going to change now."  I said as I reached out for my cup and a tea bag.     Mom used to tell me that worrying was a useless exercise that never changed a thing, but I couldn't stop worrying.  My mom was totally dependent on my dad.   He did everything for her. “How will she survive if something happens to him?" I thought.  Various scenarios played out in my mind until I was interrupted by the whistling of the tea kettle.    I was beginning to feel my exhaustion, but I knew going back to bed was futile; sleep would not come.  I poured the hot water into my cup and dunk the tea bag aimlessly for what seemed an eternity.   Suddenly, somewhere off in the distance I heard birds chirping. Their songs were like a soothing balm to my wounded, troubled mind.   I opened the lanai door to hear them better.  The air was crisp, but it felt so good.   Sitting in my patio chair, I closed my eyes and took in the sounds of these care free creatures.   Then, like a whisper, peace arrived and cradled my mind.   I sipped my tea quietly, embracing the moments that passed.    I must have dozed off.   When I opened my eyes, the heavens were revealing the splendor of the first light of day.  It was so beautiful. Like an answer to my prayers, words my dad often shared flooded my mind...   “God didn’t promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for tears, and light for the way.”   I took a deep breath, trying to engrave those words in my heart.  I knew they would give me courage and clarity for the days to come.